I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
