I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
