i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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