his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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