love makes seman taste better
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
