Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
