i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There r osticjed everywhere
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
