I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
