I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am one with the molecules
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
