I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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