And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
