So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
