I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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