I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
