I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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