Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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