Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
