I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just tell him i said nine months
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
do nipples grow back?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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