As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
