Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
