Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish my penis had a tongue
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
