I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
