Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
