i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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