OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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