is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
