put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
