he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
