YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
