He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
