If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
