a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
