They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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