how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You ruined the universe
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
