My liver just broke up with me...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
