6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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