help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
