i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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