lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
