we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
