I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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