Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i out mim tonsoeep
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