I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
