Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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