Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
