I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
