Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
