I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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