Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
