you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
