Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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