Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
