i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
