Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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