i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
