Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
