I skipped work to stalk him.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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