Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
